


Head Over Heels

by flippyspoon



Series: Pour Some Sugar on Me [43]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Flangst?, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 03:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippyspoon/pseuds/flippyspoon
Summary: Steve blows up his life.





	Head Over Heels

Sometimes when Steve is on a date with Diane, he imagines Billy there instead. Which is not ideal since they’ve been dating for three months and both of their mothers are already picking out china patterns.

“They have a string quartet,” Steve says idly. He fidgets with a breadstick.

Steve’s dad said he should take Diane to a fancy restaurant and impress her so he went along with it.

Diane gives him that look over the menu that she gives him a lot that he’s pretty sure means she thinks he’s very stupid but harmless and she can roll with it. 

“They sure do,” she says.

Steve’s game is to imagine what Billy would say instead.

_“Like these rich assholes know the difference,” Billy would say. “I bet the quartet could play Ozzie and they’d think it was Bach._ ”

He smiles to himself. Yeah, that’s what Billy would say. 

His heart hurts.

But then again, he dug himself this hole.

_This doesn’t mean anything._

_You gotta go._

_Make sure nobody sees you._

He’d said shit like that about a million times when he and Billy first started fooling around. It’s not like he can be surprised now that Billy doesn’t give a shit that he’s practically engaged.

And he practically is.

“Your father and I had only been dating four months before he proposed,” Steve’s mother likes to tell him. “And she’s so perfect for you, Steve.”

Perfect apparently means that Diane’s father owns the big company that just merged with his dad’s company and also she’s pretty and she knows the right forks to use. Diane would never pretend to hit on somebody’s aunt at a Christmas party just to sneak a good bottle of whiskey and Diane has money and Diane doesn’t have to try really hard not to get too angry or go on a long drive by herself because she’s already gotten too angry thinking about her father and…

“Did you have a good week?” Diane smiles sweetly. She always asks how he is. He tries to remember if only to be polite but Billy is like a radio station playing in his head at full volume and it’s difficult to hear around that noise.

“Yeah, can’t complain,” Steve says, and his smile is about as genuine as the rose in the glass on their table.

Billy knows all about Diane. Billy did not seem to care in the least. 

“She good in the sack?” 

That’s what Billy said when Steve said his parents were setting him up.

“How should I know?” Steve said. “I haven’t even met her.”

“Wouldn’t want that big dick to go to waste is all.” That’s what Billy said as he buttoned his fly, looking blankly at Steve before taking off.

Steve doesn’t even try when he’s with Diane. They’ve had sex three times and it’s like eating a bologna sandwich compared to Billy. It’s not terrible, it’s food, but it’s nothing close to great. Diane seems fine with it. Diane seems fine with everything including how little Steve is trying. Diane grins when Steve’s mother drops hints about future grandchildren. Diane is perfectly happy to marry Steve who she doesn’t care about even a little and the whole thing reminds Steve way too much of his own parents.

“Your father was only twenty when we got married,” his mother told him. “I was nineteen.”

“Did you see _Cocoon_?” Steve says, grabbing a breadstick. Coming up with something to say feels like pushing huge boulders up a mountain. Even when he and Billy are just shooting the shit, forgetting for a minute maybe that “this doesn’t mean anything,” it’s like floating compared to talking to Diane It’s weird. When he’s Billy he can think of a thousand things to say. 

“No,” Diane says. “Not yet.”

“It’s really good.”

“Would you mind seeing it again with me?” Diane says.

“No, I’d see it again.”

“Thank you, darling.” She smiles again.

Diane always smells like expensive shampoo and Obsession and once in a blue moon she’ll smoke a Virginia Slim.

_“If you tried to take me to see Cocoon I’d have to kill you_ , _” Billy would say_. 

The waiter is coming to take their order and Steve has a giant lump in his throat that he can’t swallow. His mother told him that Diane’s mother told her what Diane likes in an engagement ring. 

He’ll be so rich and he’ll marry a beautiful girl who knows the right forks and whose crotch doesn’t smell like cheap cologne and who doesn’t walk around in a cloud of Aqua Net and Marlboro Reds and who will never laugh low and breathy against his skin when he makes a stupid joke and who will have lots of money to mix with his lots of money and who will never look at him with glittering ocean blue eyes like maybe this actually means something before flicking a Zippo and taking off…

“Steve, Christ, are you crying?” Diane looks like she’s seen a ghost.

The waiter is at their table. He’s asked Steve what he wants three times.

Steve is crying.

He can’t talk around the big Billy sized rock in his throat and it’s a mistake to say, “No.”

He starts sobbing. 

Everyone is looking.

“ _Steve!_ ” Diane says.

“I can’t…”

“Steve, for God’s sake-”

“I’m in a love with a guy,” Steve says, wiping his nose. “A _guy_. His name is Billy. I’m in love with him. I can’t _marry_ you, I can’t-”

“I’ll come back,” the waiter says.

His head hurts. He doesn’t know what he’s saying or why he’s blowing up his life when Billy isn’t even interested in him beyond his big dick.

“Steve, calm down,” Diane says firmly.

“I-I…”

“ _Steve.”_

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

“Oh for Christ’s sake, Steve. So you’re gay, so what-”

“It’s not like that, I mean it is. But I like girls too-”

“ _Whatever_. Listen, I’m a grown-up. That’s not like...a deal breaker. Understand?” 

Steve sniffs and sits up straight, frowning at Diane who is looking at him like he’s a very stupid child. “Huh?”

“We can talk about it,” Diane says slowly. “Just don’t be an idiot. Your parents don’t know, do they?”

Steve blinks at Diane and thinks for a minute. Not about her question. Of course, his parents don’t know. He thinks about the future she’s proposing. They’d be way beyond Hawkins rich. Maybe they’d live in some Chicago suburb, a swanky one. A huge house and a big office in a tall glass building. Kids. Steve wants kids. Dinner parties. Connections. Money. His parents proud of him. The right forks… And on the side would be Billy like some dark little secret he can pick up and put down whenever he wants...

Steve could swear he smells the scent of cheap cologne and dirty jeans.

“No,” Steve says, wiping his nose. “No. I don’t _want_ that. Fuck this. I’m not gonna be with you when I’m in love with him. It’s bullshit.”

Diane looks _really_ pissed. He’s never seen her angry before but when she says, “Steve,” she sounds just like his mom. “If you do this right now, I swear to God-”

Steve stands up and rubs his wrists into his aching eyes. “Listen…” He shakes his head. “We can both do better that this.”

“Don’t-”

“I gotta go.” He takes out his wallet and drops forty bucks on the table, enough for dinner and cab fare. “I’m sorry.”

“Steve!”

Out on the sidewalk, he takes a deep breath. It’s autumn in Indianapolis which is where Diane lives. She always teased him about Hawkins.

He’s just blown up his life for a boy who doesn’t love him.

He’s in a daze on the drive back to Hawkins. 

He’s not under any illusions. He’s not going to give Billy some “I love you” speech and expect Billy to love him back. He can’t go to Billy’s house anyway. He can’t go to his own house either because his parents will be there and they’ll want to know why he’s home so early and eventually they’re going to get angry phone calls about how Steve Harrington dumped Diane _for a boy named Billy_.

Steve goes to the quarry where he and Billy often fool around. He goes there intending to listen to The Cure and cry by himself.

The Camaro is parked. Steve can tell from down the road and he parks far away and his hands start to shake. Billy’s probably there with somebody else and he wants to know but he does _not_ want to know…

Steve gets out of the car. He left his coat in the goddamn restaurant. His stupid suit that he wore on fancy dates with Diane feels like a costume as he walks down the road toward the Camaro. He loosens his tie as he hears Tears for Fears blasting which is insane because Billy hates Tears for Fears, it’s Steve who loves it.

Billy must be in the car blowing some other boy who also loves Tears for Fears.

His heart is pounding as he walks right up to the driver’s side window, certain that somebody will be hunched over Billy and wouldn’t that be what Steve deserves anyway. But it’s Billy who’s hunched over his steering wheel, shoulders slumped and shaking. The window is half rolled down but Billy hasn’t even heard his footsteps.

“Billy.” Steve knocks on the window and watches Billy sit up with a jolt, furiously rubbing his eyes. Billy turns down the music.“Hey, whoa. What’s the matter?” He’s seen Billy cry a few times after run-ins with his dad. At first it seemed surprising but if he thinks about it for a second he realizes Billy is generally a walking storm of emotion.

“What the…?” Billy’s frowning, looking up at him all confused and red eyed. “What’re you doing here, Harrington? You’re supposed to be on a date.”

“Yeah, it’s over. Are you alright? Did your dad-”

“I’m _peachy_ ,” Billy snaps. “Leave me alone. Not in the mood.”

Steve’s gotten pretty good at training himself to leave Billy when he’d rather hold him close but he can’t sum up the strength for it anymore so he walks around to the passenger side and is thankful he’s not locked out. 

Billy is scowling at him and Steve just sits back. The Camaro is so comforting; the soft leather bucket seats and stench of cigarettes.

Steve sighs and says, “Please tell me what’s the matter?”

“Fuck off,” Billy mumbles. “So why’s the date over, huh? Where’s the future Mrs. Steve Harrington?”

Steve trills his lips and says, “I dumped her.”

Billy’s head does a funny jerky little thing before he says, “You dumped her?”

“Yeah.”

“What for? You’re not totally stoked to marry some boring drip-”

“She’s not you.”

Billy snorts at that. “Right.” His hair’s a mess like he hasn’t washed it in a few days and barely bothered to style it at all and his half buttoned shirt is wrinkled and he’s got that awful little mustache growing in and Steve thinks he’s absurdly beautiful.

Steve speaks slowly like he’s describing a weird dream because that’s what it feels like. “We were talking about _Cocoon_. And I told her I couldn’t be with her because I’m in love with a boy named Billy and she said that was okay like I could fuck you on the side and I said that was bullshit and I left. And...my parents are _definitely_ going to hear about it. And...I just completely blew up my life.” 

Steve bursts out laughing.

“I b-blew up my life!” Steve says, tears in his eyes. “And for what! You don’t even like me!”

Billy’s just gaping at him. Steve catches his breath and Billy says, “I don’t...What’re you _talking_ about? Are you just trying to be a total asshole? You’re the one that always said it didn’t mean anything! You’re the one who-”

“I know, okay! I know! I screwed up! I’m sorry! I love you!” Steve’s face burns. He rubs at his chest because his heartbeat feels painful. “I’ve been in love with you for… I don’t know. A long time. And I just threw away this whole future that I’m supposed to want and I don’t even care! ‘Cause it’s not you. It’s nothing. You’re ev-everything! And I know it doesn’t _matter_ to you, I just wish...” His voice cracks on the end and he looks away out the window at the quarry because it’s weirdly comforting.

Billy’s not saying a word and Steve feels his already shattered heart disintegrating. 

He wonders if his parents will cut him off.

He moves to open the door and Billy grabs his wrist with an iron grip. “Asshole.”

“I said I’m _sorry_ -”

_“Asshole_. I sit around waiting for you to call,” Billy says. His voice sounds soft like when he’s buzzed and letting his guard down. “I hop to whenever you want me to come over. The only reason I take off so quick is so I don’t have to hear you tell me to go. Why the hell do you think I'm here crying like a bitch? You're on a goddamn date with some perfect rich girl! I’ve been crazy about you since day _one_ , you complete blockhead!”

Steve breathes in and suddenly his vision is blurred with tears. “Oh? I-I didn’t… I didn’t know-”

Billy reaches up and turns Steve’s head so he can see that Billy is smiling like Steve’s never seen him smile before like he’s _happy_. “ _Crazy_ about you,” Billy says.

“Uh…” Steve swallows. “That’s good because if they kick me out for this, we’re gonna need to get our own place.”

“Oh please,” Billy murmurs before yanking Steve into a kiss.

“Baby,” Steve whispers against Billy’s lips. “I am so sorry. I love you so much, you don’t know-”

“Whatever,” Billy mumbles and moves to kiss Steve’s neck. “It’s fine-”

“It’s _not_ fine,” Steve says, pulling away. But he smiles, marveling at Billy and his messy curly blonde hair and ocean eyes. “Do you forgive me? I screwed up _so_ bad…”

Billy turns bright red when he says, “I’ll forgive you if you keep calling me baby.”

“Baby, baby, _baby_ ,” Steve says, kissing him again and again. “I love you. You’re my future.”

“Okay, but if you take me to see _Cocoon_ ,” Billy says, grinning as Steve nibbles on his earlobe, “I’ll kill you.”


End file.
